I’ve spent the last several days living with a brace of cats. Judging by many people's blogs, it appears almost obligatory to do a blog extolling the delights of feline friends accompanied by pictures of unbearably cute cats artfully posed to maximise their attractiveness to cat aficionados. This post has the photo, but a combined lack of photographic ability and disinclination to pursue these moggies until they decided to drape themselves in an appropriately cute display of teeth and claw, means they are not representatively as cute as they are in real life (in their owner’s eyes, anyway).I’m not a cat person. I’m marginally more a dog person, but owing to an affliction of sneezing caused by mutt & moggie hair, I do my best to avoid hairy beasties. This makes prolonged space sharing with other people’s pets an increasingly difficult experience. A few hours is fine, otherwise I have to resort to dosing myself with hefty amounts of antihistamines thus dulling my senses enough to live with my friends’ beloveds.
However, when I’m feeling especially uncharitable I find myself referring to these companion animals as furry parasites. With this attitude, I decided to take the cats in question in hand and sort them out. My aim was to turn them into productive members of the household and credits to society.
I cornered them in the kitchen, (without resorting to bribery with food), and gave them their instructions for adding to the sum of human knowledge. They were told they had until the end of the week to crack the secrets of nuclear fusion. Time passed, but no scientific progress was forthcoming. The cats never even bothered to go online and access the Journal of Nuclear Fusion.
http://www.iop.org/EJ/toc/0029-5515/45/10A
Perhaps I wanted more of them than they could achieve, and on my next visit their task should be more meaningful to the average kitty-brain.
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